“How is it going? How am I?”

I hear these questions a lot these days: ‘How are you doing with Noah at home now? Is home-schooling working for you?’

My answer: ‘Yes, we are doing great!’ For more explanations usually is no time, but honestly it’s only half of the truth. Overall, we are doing well. I would never want to go back. I am very sure that we did the right decision in taking Noah out of the public school system.

And with going from home-schooling over unschooling to radical unschooling in only 3 months, we are now on a path that feels incredibly right to me.  But we are still not there!

Totally changing our lifestyle takes time…it’s like learning a new language and getting to know everybody in our family all over again…

The connections change and get deeper. More passion occurs. More love and empathy are built…and there is so much more freedom! I love how we can live freely and see what comes our way on days with no appointments. It’s like riding a big wave and seeing where it takes us…and learning so much on the way about the world and ourselves…

The other day we went to a book store for a storytime. Afterwards we sat at a café where the boys climbed a tree and played soccer outside on the terrace until Niki came up with the idea, that he wanted to go to the zoo… So we went!

We had no stroller with us or anything we usually pack for a zoo adventure and came up with the idea that we would make it a short visit by only looking at everybody’s 3 most favorite animals. But at the end we stayed for almost 4 hours and had such a great relaxed and fun filled time.

It seems that everybody gets wishes met and compromises are made to make other’s wishes come true. There is so much gratitude that we can experience days like this already and so much anticipation and hope that most days of our life will turn out to be this way. So flowy and relaxed.

But we are not there yet. I would say 1-2 days a weeks might be almost perfect, but the other days I have doubts. I beat myself up for not being perfect. I have fears. I feel alone. I feel vulnerable. I feel unconfident, unsure, shy, unsupported, judged and overwhelmed…just not enough.

There are days that the boys just want to hang out and watch TV all day… I have gotten pretty good at just letting them take control over the remote… and when I hear them talking to each other, it seems like they are not just watching, but also communicating about the show’s topics. And Noah actually learns a lot about animals from the Kratt bothers and Zooboomafoo, …

Sometimes there comes a point when they have just watched enough and go on playing something…or want to spend time with me.

But some days, I ask them to please turn off the TV and they do, but whatever they do after, they get into huge fights or just throw themselves on the ground and scream and whine for things that are unrealistic.

These tantrums totally overwhelm me and I loose hope and trust that they are able to control their TV time…I feel like I need to set limits and control them…which I don’t want to do.

There are days that Noah can’t figure out how to play with other children and doesn’t understand when to stop teasing them… I end up leaving playdates and holding on to him which I do regret immediately, because I am missusing my strength over him, something that I don’t want him to do with smaller children. But I don’t know what else to do. I feel ashamed and embarrassed by his behavior, I’m again loosing trust in him which I shouldn’t.

There are just moments when I feel like I have to explain myself, because I feel judged by people for my decisions and then I can’t find the right words and I so wish to be an advocate for this great partner paradigm of radical unschooling, but I am just not there yet.

I need to be honest about what’s going on. I can totally explain why we are on this path and what my hopes are for my children and for our family’s future, but we are not there yet. Other than some small success stories and signs that we are on the right path, I can only tell you that it is incredibly hard to go a different route and not follow the mainstream parenting/schooling system.

Just being the one who swims against the stream, puts much attention on me sometimes, that I need to get comfortable with. I am an introvert that never liked to stand in the spotlight. I’ve never liked to stand in front of a group of adults…I feel safe under friends and in my little bubble that I create for myself.

But I do love children and love to see them free and confident and I will do anything to make this true for my children and maybe someday I can make an impact on other children too ❤️

This drives me and I am so excited that we are on this path now and I tust that we will live a happy life as a family and that my children will go on living the life of their dreams with confidence and freedom

With much gratitude and honesty,

aNNika

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