I cut off my hair.

About 3 weeks ago I cut my hair. It wasn’t just a normal ‘every 2-3 months’ haircut.

I asked my husband to take his razor and shave my head on the longest setting his razor could do. That was 1.3 centimeters (half an inch) short.

How did this happen?

On a Tuesday morning somebody I know posted a video on social media of herself shaving her own head. She had very long hair and she left nothing. She went completely bald.

She wrote that this was a new beginning for her and like a newborn without any hair she pretty much birthed herself into a new life.

I was shocked in a good way by her doing this. I thought that she was so brave and strong and very inspiring in a way that she must have gotten to a point in her self-growth journey where she was able to get rid of everything that held her back and she was now ready to step into a new phase of her life, her new life.

When I watched her doing so, I remembered that I had thought about shaving my head many times before, but I had never followed through with it. I wasn’t brave enough. I was scared.

But what exactly was I afraid of?

I think mostly I feared how other people would react and how they would see me? I was afraid of being seen as a lesbian or as a very manly woman. A woman that is not normal.

I want to emphasize here that I absolutely don’t have a problem with gay people! I even lookup to them for being different and strong enough to stand up for themselves and something that is deemed to not be normal. The thing is that I have a problem with people not seeing the real me. I think that’s what held me back, all these prejudices…judgements about being different.

Of course I also couldn’t know if I liked myself with short hair or if I would regret doing it later and then would have to go through this long process of growing them back.

So why did I feel strong enough to follow my friend’s lead and cut my hair off this time?

There were many reasons. I spent a lot of time during the past year to work on me being more feminine. I even hired a coach to help me explore this topic more and I learned just a couple of months ago that we all have masculine and feminine energies in us. And for me it’s been very healing to actually embrace the masculine more as suppose to fighting against it. I always thought that I wanted to get rid of the masculine to become more feminine. But only through being in touch with both energies it’s now easier for me to step into my feminine when I wish to and when it’s important to create this polarity between my husband’s masculine and my feminine energy.

I am ok now and even see advantages being in my masculine energy when I want to get things done and when I am in a more goal-oriented mode ๐Ÿ™‚

One other thing I’ve been working on is to be ok to be seen. I want to stop hiding and want to go out there and be an inspiration for others. I want to feel good about myself and get rid of the feelings of not being good enough. I feel like I have things to share with the world that could change people’s opinions, maybe change people’s lives, just as I have changed a lot in my life in the past 2 years.

My hair and my glasses seemed to be ‘objects’ I hid behind. If it was the bump on my nose that I was always conscious about, that I could hide or pimples, unclear skin or blushing with my glasses and my hair …

All this is not possible anymore. And the idea of a new beginning, of course, sounded good to me too. The symbolic rebirth to allow myself to be seen and allow myself to like the real me and be me, no hiding any more, pure honesty.

How did it actually happen?

That Tuesday I met my husband for lunch and asked him what he would think about me cutting off my hair. His first response was somewhat expected. He asked me who he should take to his company’s Xmas party then.

I mean this totally went in the direction of ‘what would people think about us? I would be embarrassed by you. That’s not a normal thing to do.’.

I asked him if that was really his only concern. I understood that I surprised him with my plan and put him onto the spot a bit … We talked about it some more and at the end of our lunch he wanted me to do whatever I felt good doing. We established that he had the right tools at home to follow through with my plan.

That evening when he came home, there wasn’t so much of a question about this anymore. My hubby had actually done his researched online about short hairstyles for women ๐Ÿ™‚

So, he came home prepared! I found this so sweet of him and still can’t believe in what little time he went from being worried about people’s opinions over ‘Do what you want’ to ‘Here I am, ready for the job!’.

After dinner we set up a stool outside and he started shaving my head ๐Ÿ™‚

While doing so it took a little time to talk him out of the hairstyle idea. I really didn’t want a ‘haircut’. I just wanted the hair off!

There was a point when he actually started having fun while shaving. He all of a sudden seemed turned on by my short hair. I have the feeling that this happened when my energy levels shifted and I got balanced and came into my strength of who I am today! I stepped into feminine power and he reacted with his masculine energy.

It almost felt magical.

It’s been three weeks now with short hair and it’s been quite the experience.

First of all I love how quickly I wash my hair and that I can dry it by just rubbing my head with a towel for a couple of seconds… No brushing and no conditioner anymore ๐Ÿ™‚

I love to look at myself in the mirror! I love my face! I smile at myself all the time in the mirror. I like my wrinkles on my forehead, that I had never spend much attention to. I’m ok with all the grey hairs that are now visible. These things make me feel like a woman and not a little girl.

I like to see my ears and earrings that were always hidden by my hair.

I don’t necessarily like the pimples in my face, but since I can’t hide them behind a curtain of hair, I’m ok with them too.

I absolutely love the warm sunshine on my head. I feel like every single ray of sunshine gets to touch my skull and somehow ‘enlightens’ me.

The breeze when sticking my head out of the car window while driving feels amazing too ๐Ÿ™‚

The first week or so, I pretty much awaited some response when I met people I know, but by now I forget about it.

The most amazing thing though is that I have not met anybody in person who has told me that he/she does not like my new haircut.

Much the opposite is the case. People tell me that I have a really pretty face. Today somebody said that I look gorgeous and so stylish.

Somebody even said that I have a face like a model! I mean, it does feel good to hear something like this, especially when I am liking my myself too and am in a state of self-love and appreciation and self growth.

A woman told me today that I inspired her last week to also cut her hair shorter and she she really enjoyed her new haircut.

But I think the biggest compliment I have gotten came from my neighbor. She said something along the lines ‘I have watched you change over the past months and watched you grow into this amazing woman and mama and I always knew that you had this creative artsy side inside of you. But now I see it coming out and it’s showing and I love it!’

Really, this meant so much to me that somebody would see me this way and I do feel exactly like this and it feels so good to be seen this real way, the real me.ย (I know, you will read this, so thank you Melanie! You made me very happy!)

I always feel so honored when people open up and tell me how they feel and tell me that I inspired them by something I did, wrote, shared about my life, my journey. I also got a couple of messages from people asking about my hair and telling me that they enjoy my posts about a healthy and balanced life on social media which inspired them to think about their lifestyle and how it could be healthier.

I think, my grandma is the only one who still can’t get over my decision to cut my hair. I think it’s hard for most 80+ year olds to understand such a change. She says she doesn’t recognize me, but she also only sees me on pictures and not in real life. She has had a long life to make up her opinions and had much time to prove them right for her, so I just let her be.

But of course there are worries that come up in some people when seeing (especially) women with very short hair. Is she healthy? Some people associate short hair with cancer and cancer treatment and as sad as this is, that’s what our society is somewhatย usedย to these days, but I hope that everybody who sees me personally can tell that I am very healthy and me cutting my hair has nothing unhealthy about it.

Right now after almost 4 weeks, I feel like my hair is getting too long already. I will for sure cut it shorter again this coming week. I never planned on doing this again. I thought that this would be a one time event, but I really love everything about it, for now… who knows for how long. I will probably get to a point when I want to let it grow again … I will go with the flow and see what feels right.

I’ve heard that some people say that hair is the antenna to the universe, the unconscious. I can just negate this. I feel closer to my feelings and my emotions than ever before. I also feel closer to other people. It’s like I let go of some walls that I probably built a long ago. I’m sure they were there to protect me, but for now they are not needed anymore. I feel so much more present and in love with myself and my family and this world. This experiment was very successful and I do feel like I re-birthed myself in some kind. I got yet another step closer to the real me ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

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If you have any comments or a similar story to share, please do so in the comments or send me a PM. I am looking forward to connecting with you!

With much love and gratitude,

aNNika

 

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